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July
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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Your
keyword is RECOGNITION. You're happiest when others acknowledge your
abilities, power, magnificence and authority.You consider yourself
superior to everyone else. Everyone hates you and thinks that you
are stupid. The only time you feel good is when everyone is kissing
your ass. Leos are arrogant motherfuckers who enjoy masturbating more
than sex.
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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Your
keyword is DISCRIMINATION. It's what you use to resolve the various
conflicts you're faced with on a daily basis. Because you're such
a nitpicking, anal retentive prick, it's necesary for you to overalalyze
everthing. You are cold and unemotional, which makes you a terrible
lover. You find fault with everyone but are too much of a pussy to
do anything about it. All Virgos are sneaky, thieving cowards.
Virgos enjoy playing with their own feces.
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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BALANCE
is your keyword. And to maintain it, you must be willing to constantly
re-evaluate situations in an ever-changing world. All Libras have
some type of mental disorder that requires them to be on medication.
Without it, they are dangerous and often violent. Libras can never
be trusted with children. As children, Libras enjoy torturing animals.
Most Libras die of vanerial disease.
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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Your keyword
is TRANSFORMATION. You are two faced and a liar. You are unable
to cooperate with others. All Scorpio woman are whores or lesbians.
Scorpio men are almost always gay. No Scorpio ever amounted to anything.
Scorpios should all kill themselves.
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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Your
keyword is SELF-PROJECTION. You'll do anything for people to pay attention
to you. Sagittarius suicides are common as a desperate cry for attention.
You are flamboyant, and ridiculous. People think you are a fucking
flake. You are prone to alcoholism. Sagittaruses are usually murdered.
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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Your
keyword is SELF-MASTERY. Constantly aware of your actions, you present
a public image of confidence, poise and virtuosity. Underneath of
this, however, you are a fucking mess. You enjoy deviant sexual acts
with animals, but only behind closed doors. You are a calculated and
methodical backstabber. You are afraid to take risks and are basicky
a chicken-shit. No Capricorn has ever amounted to anything.
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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Your
keyword is ENLIGHTENMENT. Your sympathetic nature causes you to deeply
sense mankind's suffering. This is why you are such a pussy. You lie
a lot. you make the same mistakes over and over because you are stupid.
Everyone thinks that you are a fucking jerk.
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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Your
keyword is UNIFICATION. Rather than enjoying normal pasttimes, you
like drinking, drugs and self mutilation. You want to have your cake
and eat it too. You enjoy swinging and wife swapping. You see nothing
wrong with pedophelia. You are a sexual deviant and should be locked
up.
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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ACTION
is your keywork. You think that you are brave and courageous, but
you're really just a pushy jerk. You spend most of your time bossing
people around. Everyone resents you for it. Your impulsiveness often
causes you to speak or act before thinking. You make as ass of yourself
almost every day. You are a douche-bag.
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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ACQUISITION
is your keyword. It is your motivating force. Your practical, down-to-earth
qualities and your ability to be totally focused might go to waste
if there weren't some material reward to be gained. This is why everyone
thinks you are greedy. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness
because you never do anythng right the first time. You're completely
self absorbed, bullheaded, stubborn and unwilling to accept change.
If someone trys to change your boring, routine pattern of life, you
can become impatient, obstinate, argumentative and cantankerous. You
are nothing but a fucking asshole.
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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Your
keyword is COMMUNICATION. It's your bridge to understanding and unity.
You talk too much. You often go off on irrelivant tangents and people
think you are stupid. Because you are bisexual, you often have trouble
making up your mind. This leads you to take on too many things at
once. Geminis are often impatient, snappish, sarcastic, gossipy, cynical
or nervously exhausted Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest..
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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SECURITY
is your keyword. Memories of your early childhood emotional dependence
and parental nurturing are a reminder of the importance of feeling
safe. All Cancers were molested as children. Once you get your grip
on anyone or anything that makes you feel secure, you want to hold
on to it. You are clingy, needy and weak-minded. This makes it easy
for people to take advantage of you. This is why you will always be
on welfare and won't be worth a shit. You are a whiner and a cry baby.
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