Fugly
Did you know?... German chemists made a replica of a trophy the size of one molecule.
2000
January
February
March
April
May
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
July 31, 2000


By Evil Sarah
July 2000
S
M
T
W
T
F
S
_
_
_
_
_
_
13
18
_
_
_
_
_


Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
The Sun and Moon are both in Leo. You're strong and getting stronger. You have determination, power and enthusiasm. You also have syphilis, gonorrhea and crabs. You're a filthy, disease-ridden whore. Why don't you just go kill yourself today?
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You may have trouble dealing with reality for the next few days. You took waaay too much of that shit this weekend and you won't be coming down for at least another 3 days. You may not recover at all. You might have to spend the rest of your life hallucinating. Some trips really do last forever. Asswipe.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
A crowd will gather for you later today. You might even be the star of the show. I guess you could call it a show. They'll only really want to get a glimpse of the wreckage and your charred body, but at least you'll be entertaining them, right?
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You could make more money, soon. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. Is it you? No. You're far too stupid for it and you'll only make a fool of yourself if you try. Stick to something simple, like digging ditches. Retard.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You should go on vacation, starting now. Who cares if you just got back from vacation today? You tell your boss that you're going on vacation again right fucking NOW. If he gives you any shit about it, kick him in the nuts. If your boss is a woman, give her tittie-twisters until she agrees.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You'll find yourself out of money today, but what's worse is, you'll find yourself 'out of pocket' too. If you don't' want to be beat with a hot wire clothes hanger like the last time, quit looking at other pimps. Rain, sleet or snow; you better have his dough. Ho.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You've got a booger hanging out of your nose. Take care of that before someone sees it. That's gross.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You will fall asleep tonight in a pool of your own blood. You'll stop breathing around midnight and never wake up. Fuck you.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You can have the perfect romance. The funny thing is, you'll get it by going along with what the other person wants! This only works if you're in a healthy relationship with a person who loves you. Otherwise, you'll wake up every morning bound in duct tape with your ass bleeding. Trust me, you don't want that.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Home and family take precedence over everything. The best word for this time is 'exciting'. Are you getting new furniture? A rug? Maybe you're moving into a whole new house! No. wait a minute. It's coming to me now. I can almost see it. I got it! Your house is on fire, and your family is trapped inside! Oh well, I guess that's more 'tragic' than 'exciting'. Sorry.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Good things can happen to you today, Gemini, but only if you say the word "Vagina" to everyone you speak to. It will be difficult, but you can do it. Try to slip it into the conversation with phrases like, "Is that a rotten trout in your pants or is that your vagina I am smelling?" People will hardly even notice.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Fashion is a statement, sometimes a risk. Tattooing a swastika on your forehead is neither. It's just plain stupid.
Contact | Privacy | Copyright