Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Friday
July 28, 2000


By Martin Felcher
July 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Your keyword is RECOGNITION. You're happiest when others acknowledge your abilities, power, magnificence and authority.You consider yourself superior to everyone else. Everyone hates you and thinks that you are stupid. The only time you feel good is when everyone is kissing your ass. Leos are arrogant motherfuckers who enjoy masturbating more than sex.
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Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Your keyword is DISCRIMINATION. It's what you use to resolve the various conflicts you're faced with on a daily basis. Because you're such a nitpicking, anal retentive prick, it's necesary for you to overalalyze everthing. You are cold and unemotional, which makes you a terrible lover. You find fault with everyone but are too much of a pussy to do anything about it. All Virgos are sneaky, thieving cowards. Virgos enjoy playing with their own feces.
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Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
BALANCE is your keyword. And to maintain it, you must be willing to constantly re-evaluate situations in an ever-changing world. All Libras have some type of mental disorder that requires them to be on medication. Without it, they are dangerous and often violent. Libras can never be trusted with children. As children, Libras enjoy torturing animals. Most Libras die of vanerial disease.
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Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Your keyword is TRANSFORMATION. You are two faced and a liar. You are unable to cooperate with others. All Scorpio woman are whores or lesbians. Scorpio men are almost always gay. No Scorpio ever amounted to anything. Scorpios should all kill themselves.
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Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Your keyword is SELF-PROJECTION. You'll do anything for people to pay attention to you. Sagittarius suicides are common as a desperate cry for attention. You are flamboyant, and ridiculous. People think you are a fucking flake. You are prone to alcoholism. Sagittaruses are usually murdered.
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Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Your keyword is SELF-MASTERY. Constantly aware of your actions, you present a public image of confidence, poise and virtuosity. Underneath of this, however, you are a fucking mess. You enjoy deviant sexual acts with animals, but only behind closed doors. You are a calculated and methodical backstabber. You are afraid to take risks and are basicky a chicken-shit. No Capricorn has ever amounted to anything.
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Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Your keyword is ENLIGHTENMENT. Your sympathetic nature causes you to deeply sense mankind's suffering. This is why you are such a pussy. You lie a lot. you make the same mistakes over and over because you are stupid. Everyone thinks that you are a fucking jerk.
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Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Your keyword is UNIFICATION. Rather than enjoying normal pasttimes, you like drinking, drugs and self mutilation. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You enjoy swinging and wife swapping. You see nothing wrong with pedophelia. You are a sexual deviant and should be locked up.
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Aries
March 20- April 19
ACTION is your keywork. You think that you are brave and courageous, but you're really just a pushy jerk. You spend most of your time bossing people around. Everyone resents you for it. Your impulsiveness often causes you to speak or act before thinking. You make as ass of yourself almost every day. You are a douche-bag.
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Taurus
April 19 - May 20
ACQUISITION is your keyword. It is your motivating force. Your practical, down-to-earth qualities and your ability to be totally focused might go to waste if there weren't some material reward to be gained. This is why everyone thinks you are greedy. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anythng right the first time. You're completely self absorbed, bullheaded, stubborn and unwilling to accept change. If someone trys to change your boring, routine pattern of life, you can become impatient, obstinate, argumentative and cantankerous. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.
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Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Your keyword is COMMUNICATION. It's your bridge to understanding and unity. You talk too much. You often go off on irrelivant tangents and people think you are stupid. Because you are bisexual, you often have trouble making up your mind. This leads you to take on too many things at once. Geminis are often impatient, snappish, sarcastic, gossipy, cynical or nervously exhausted Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest..
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Cancer
June 21 - July 22
SECURITY is your keyword. Memories of your early childhood emotional dependence and parental nurturing are a reminder of the importance of feeling safe. All Cancers were molested as children. Once you get your grip on anyone or anything that makes you feel secure, you want to hold on to it. You are clingy, needy and weak-minded. This makes it easy for people to take advantage of you. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. You are a whiner and a cry baby.
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