Fugly
Did you know?... An elephant trunk has no bone but 40,000 muscles.
2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Saturday
July 22, 2000


By Madamme Borkofsky
July 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
A good way to make a lasting friendship is to get your friends hooked on drugs. Then when you are sick of hanging out with them, you can make it look like 'it was an accident.'
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Your mullet seems to be unhappy today. Try cheering it up with a trip to the shower.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You will be running low on cash soon. But don't worry, you will gamble to get yourself out of this tight financial spot. Unfortunately, you will get robbed on the way home. But don't worry, the cops will catch the theif. Unfortunately, they will keep the money. But don't worry, you will get a free lolly pop at the bank today.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You have a special place in your heart for furry little animals. That is to say, the meat of the furry little animals maintains your heart with essential vitamins and minerals.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
The stars don't care about you. They are too busy eating at fancy restaurants and wearing Versace dresses. Jupiter, however, has a special place for you. Jupiter loves you. Jupiter follows you around. Look up in the sky and there Jupiter is.there for you.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You will meet the man of your dreams today. The man in the dream you had that chased you with a sharp knife. This time, don't ask him to come to your house like you did in the dream.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
There is a chance that you will get what you want in life. But it is more likely that you will be struck by lightning 18 times.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Do Do Do! The horoscope you have clicked on has been disconnected. Please check your sign and click again.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Your body needs protein. Try sleeping with your mouth open so more bugs will crawl in.
Aries
March 20- April 19
The next time you are approached by a homeless person asking for a dollar, why not give it to them? Everyone thinks homeless people are going to use money to buy drugs, but maybe he just wants a soda. Did you ever think of that?
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
You have always admired birds and their ability to fly. But did you know that you too can fly? If you don't believe me, why not try it? I bet you'll be mightily surprised!
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Gemini, you know how to do all kinds of fun creative things, like turn toilet water into beer, and make a knife out of a tooth brush. Gain popularity in your group by teaching others how to make a zip gun out of a lighter. Don't forget to use it when an especially big guy gets out of hand and tries putting his hands where they don't belong!
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