Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Saturday
July 15, 2000


By Madame Borkofski
July 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aries
March 20- April 19
Why are you dieting? No body cares whether you are fat or thin, because you're ugly
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Sometimes it is better to think before speaking. But in your case, it would be better to never speak again. Every time you open your mouth a verbal equivalent to a fart dribbles out.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You may be a midget prostitute, but don't sell yourself short. You are worth $11.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
When visiting relatives, keep this in mind: They don't want you there as much as you don't want to be there. They can't wait for you to leave. You scare and confuse them with your rap music and your one eyed girlfriend.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You should get revenge on someone who you know has got it out for you, and soon. As the golden rule says: Do unto others before they do unto you.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Having a speech impediment is god's personal way of blessing someone who would otherwise be talking too much and getting lots of ass kickings. Don't take it so badly. The lord works in mysterious ways.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Every year for the past 20 birthdays you have wished it would 'rain men' for real like in the song. When the gay bar down town gets bombed tonight, you just might get your wish.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
Scorpios are known for their ability to eat more spaghetti than any other sign. You sure can pack spaghetti away. Look at you go. The stars bet you are eating spaghetti right now, you spaghetti eating Scorpio head. Don't forget the sauce, spaghetti face.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You have always wanted to act as a player in a civil war reenactment. The civil war reenactment coalition has reviewed your application, and your brain will be hired tomorrow to fill the role of a musket ball.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Be unique. Start a trend. Instead of throwing rice at the next wedding you attend, throw a Chinese person.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but people like you, who live in trailers, have been known to throw anything from a cat to a car battery. It is a fun game that trailer folk play called, 'throw something.'
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You need to stop wasting your time shooting at things like beer cans. You are ready to go on to moving targets. Try asking your cousin to run with a beer can.
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