Fugly
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2006
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Friday
February 3, 2006


By Evil Sarah
February 2006
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You're creative now. You have the ideas, but not the money. This should be noticeable as you try to make changes to your home. What will also be noticeable is that you have absolutely no idea what you're doing. Your home is starting to look like a real piece of crap.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You're struggling with something. Is there a lot of noise and confusion at home? You may have to go somewhere else if you can't find any peace and quiet there. Maybe you can just put your foot down or maybe you should get a place of your own. It's you're fault that your parents don't love each other anymore.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You and your friends have lots of wonderful plans, but hold on. Are you talking this project to death? You're just going to the movies. Give it a rest already. It's not like you're even doing anything cool. You guys are all a bunch of nerds.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
You don't have enough of a certain necessity to do what you'd like for somebody else. You don't have enough of that same necessity to even help your self. You suck. Why don't you go jump in a lake?
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You want to try something new, but an older person puts a lid on your enthusiasm. Learn from their mistakes. And don't try everything you read about on the Internet. That thing with Richard Geere and the gerbil wasn't true, you freak.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You're probably thinking about your money and how to make it grow. You shouldn't be worried about your money as much as you should be worried about your genitals. You've got unusually small genitals. Call in sick Friday.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Your partner or an expert you've hired has taken control of the situation. You'll soon be phased out and they will get credit for all of the work you've done up to this point.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Service is the key to your success, your mental and physical well-being, and just about everything else. By service, we mean sex. That's the only reason people tolerate you.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You can express yourself well, but don't get glib; somebody could take offense. Just because your Dad uses the "N" word in just about every sentence doesn't make it right, you illiterate, racist redneck.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You want to fix up your place, but you and your sweetheart can't agree on how it should be done. Beat him or her with a length of garden hose until they agree with your point of view. If that doesn't work, get a different sweetheart.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You need some time for contemplation. How about those books you've meant to read? How about all the trash you've meant to take out. How about that ugly thing on your face that you've meant to get fixed? Contemplate that first. You look like some kind of a sideshow freak.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're practicing, studying and polishing your skills but you're not improving. You know why? It's called 'lack of talent'. Give up.
 
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