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2006
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Your Fugly Whore-O-Scope for:

Monday
January 23 , 2006


By: Martin
January 2006
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aries
March 20- April 19
Your emotions may be a bit vulnerable today, dear Aries, and it may be hard to find shelter from the storm. Your umbrella is feeling a bit too drafty and water seems to be leaking in from the top. Comfort yourself by coming to center and enjoying a quiet evening at home. All alone. As usual.  Loser.
 
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Unexpected events may be cropping up and poking you in the side, dear Taurus. You may get the feeling that there are thorns cropping up out of nowhere whose sole purpose is just to annoy you.  Why not poke back for a change?  Why not poke back with a screwdriver or a piece of a broken bottle?  Nothing says, “leave me alone” like screaming and waving a knife around. 
 
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You have the ability to make some important breakthroughs in whatever project you set your mind to today. Try not to get bogged down by your emotions, which may be feeling a bit heavy and stale. Infuse your day with a blast of unconventional thinking. Try to adopt a new and fresh attitude on whatever it is you want to get accomplished. A new perspective is what you need to make this day extremely productive.  A new perspective, and a job.  And some money.  And a car.  And some new clothes.  And maybe some plastic surgery.  Jesus, you’re a mess.  Just give it up.
 
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You may get the feeling that you are rubbing up against sandpaper today, dear Cancer, and more than likely, this is a result of issues dwelling deep inside you. You may get the feeling that you’re rubbing up against some stranger on the subway again too.  What the hell is the matter with you?  They make medication for people like you, you know.
 
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You may be feeling like you are walking on hot coals today, dear Leo. Someone has tossed you the hot potato and you need to figure out what to do with it. Some neighborhood kids are planning to leave a flaming bag of dog crap on your front porch.  Be ready.
 
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Your emotions will feel stable for a change today, dear Virgo, although there may be an unexpected element trying to sneak into the equation. Unexpected elements like your drug induced coma.  Some times feeling nothing at all is just as good as feeling stable.  Don’t be picky.
 
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Although your emotions may be running counter to this principle, try to explore deeply into your innovative, irrational side today, dear Libra.  Don’t let that pesky ‘shame’ or that nagging ‘embarrassment’ get in your way.  Wearing pants is for suckers, and what better than a Monday morning to let people know it? 
 
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You might just want to stay inside today and not speak to anyone, dear Scorpio. If indeed you do decide to venture out, you are apt to run into opposition pretty much everywhere you turn. Instead of seeing this as a negative thing, use it as incentive to work harder at what you want to accomplish. Or use it as an excuse to stay home and get drunk.  It’s not going to change anything.

 
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You may not feel like you are exactly "clicking" with anything today, dear Sagittarius. Indeed, adjustments will need to be made, either by you, or by the people you are dealing with, in order for there to be any sort of resolution.  People much more likely to do things your way if you’re holding a weapon of some sort.  Something as simple as a pair of brass knuckles would really accent that outfit you’re wearing too.
 
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
The actions you take today will have a long lasting effect, so be conscious of how you use your energy. Incorporate the old as well as the new into your game plan.  There’s really no easy way to say it.  People are starting to comment to each other on how fat you’re getting. 
 
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19

This is one of those days in which others might not fully appreciate for the wonderful breeze of fresh air you bring to the group, dear Aquarius.  Maybe they just don’t understand.  Or maybe it’s just you who likes the smell of your own farts.  Try not to be so gross.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Don't be surprised if things don't go exactly according to plan today, dear Pisces. Unexpected events are more than likely to pop up and disturb the course of action. Realize, however, that these disruptions have a place in your life and that they are occurring for a reason.  The reason, as usual is that God hates you.  Learn to live with it.
 
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