Fugly
Did you know?... Approximately 70,000 people in the U.S. are both blind and deaf!
2000
January
February
March
April
May
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Saturday
September 2, 2000


By Martin Felcher
September 2000
S
M
T
W
T
F
S
-
-
-
-
-
4
5
8
9
11
12
13
14
15
17
19
20
21
23
24
26
28
29
30


Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You are sharp and so good-looking (jerry curl, running suit). You have what you need (mask, rope and knife), and you're able to get what you want (white girl). Remember that if you're up against a job that's tougher than you thought it would be (big fat bitch with mace). You'll figure it out in no time at all (date rape).
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You're still lucky, but your energy level's low. Coming down off of any drug is really depressing. Just take some more and you'll be set. As a matter of fact, why not just take whatever you have left so you can be full of energy all night long? If a little is good, more must be better. That's what most doctors would tell you. Trust us.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Expect to run into a few frustrations, but don't let them stop you. If you can't figure out the answers, ask your friends to help. If they can't help, ask a total stranger. If they don't know, demand that they tell you and then, kick them in the nuts. All together, it shouldn't take more than two thirds of the day. By then, you may not even care anymore.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Face it. You've had better days. You will again too, someday. This one won't be so bad once you get past chills and vomiting. It should start in another hour or so. Good luck with it.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're in a great mood today. Try to stay tuned in to other people's wants and needs. That way, you'll know exactly what to ignore. You ignorant prick.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Have you been paying attention? Or, have you been so involved with your future plans, that you forgot something here and now? Get busy. One more thing; you'll be cleaning puke out of the back seat of your car tomorrow morning.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Continue to follow. A strong person has plans and probably has them well figured out. Since you're so weak minded, and so easily controlled, you'll do whatever they ask of you, as usual. Today, they'll ask you to use your ass a receptacle for some pretty large objects. Being a follower sucks.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Nobody loves you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't throw caution to the wind. No doesn't always mean 'no'. I bet she wants you to just be a little more forceful. Use some ether to get her in the mood for love. Don't just be bold - be prepared. Wear a condom.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
It's time to face facts. You were never all that lucky in love and you should start to realize soon that you're going to be spending the rest of your life alone. If you're currently involved with someone, it will soon end. If you're not, get used to it.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You may feel like something is sapping your energy, and you may be right. It's intestinal parasites. Yep, you've got worms. They're wriggling their way through your small intestines right now and soon they'll start to burrow into your lungs.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Most likely, love, fun and games are on your mind. And why not? That's all that's ever on your feeble little mind. That's why you have a shitty job and live in that run down house of yours. Let your hair down and kick up your heels. It's another Malt Liquor Saturday Night!
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Frustrations are abundant. You'd like to do all sorts of wonderful things, many of which would improve your environment. First, there's the question of how. There are books on every subject, and luckily they're cheap. Now all you have to do is figure out how to read and maybe you can learn something. Idiot.
Contact | Privacy | Copyright