Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Wednesday
June 28, 2000


By Madame Borkofski
June 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
For the most part, you should have a relaxing day. Doing your chores the same way as before will be part of a comforting routine. You've got your route down to a science. Elementary School forst, then the playgrounds. You're getting to be a real expert
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You're going to have more time to play with friends soon. You'll get exacly 1 hour a day, out in the yard, then it's right back to solitary for you, you sick son of a bitch.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Your luck is best early in the day. You may be able to make a career move tomorrow, so get prepared. Get yourself some ether for the job and a couple of easily concealable handguns. It might be a good idea to burn off the tips of your fingers so you don't leave any fingerprints.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You should have a bit of a boost soon. Your acid ought to be kicking in any minute now. In the meantime, imagine that you're playing a role. If you're nervous, pretend you're not. Whatever you do, dont' listen to any fucking Pink Floyd or you'll almost certainly have a bad time.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
I'll bet your sorry now, aren't you? Now your life is practically finished. having kids seemed like a great way to keep your miserable relationship together. Too bad they'll soon be fatherless. You suck.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Expect a lot of activity; that's for sure. Maybe you should get somebody else involved with your project. Masturbation will only get you so far and you're gong to get caught sooner or later if you keep trying to wipe your bodilly fluids on people. God damnit, you are one sick motherfucker. People like you should be locked up.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're in a good relationship, and it's getting better. Hahahah. Oh man. I can't even say that and keep a straight face. I know at least 3 people that have fucked your partner this week alone. You are such an idiot.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You could get friskier over the next few days. Whoohoo. Viagra! The miracles of modern medice are amazing aren't they? Too bad you're too fugly to get laid. Oh well. At least you can jerk off again.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
If you keep doing that , it's going to freeze that way. For once, can you please go out in public and not make a complete asshole out of yourself?
Aries
March 20- April 19
Keep your eyes open for a good fixer-upper. This might not be easy, but so what? You don't know what you're doing anyway. You'll fuck up whatever it is. You're practically retarded.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
You're going to have to take care of business soon. If they don't pay you what they owe you, you'll look like a real pussy if you don't stand up for yourself. Light one of them on fire. That'll teach them not to jerk you around.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Get ready to wrap up a project you've worked on for a long time. Digging a hole big enough for all those kids to fit in wasn't easy, was it? Maybe you won't get so greedy next time. You know, it might be time for you to seek some kind of professional help.
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