| |
|
|
|
January
|
February
|
|
March
|
April
|
|
May
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
June
2000
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
_
|
_
|
_
|
_
|
|
2
|
3
|
|
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
|
18
|
|
|
21
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
_
|
|
Aquarius
|
Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
|
 |
Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
|
You
are fun-loving, gentle, and a great dresser. That's right, your gay!
Let the wife down easy. |
|
|
|
 |
Cancer
June
21 - July 22
|
Don't
bother getting a second opinion, it's definitely cancer. |
|
|
|
 |
Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
|
Leo
the Lion is known for eating the flesh of those weaker and smaller
than he. But that doesn't give you an excuse to do it for real. |
|
|
|
 |
Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
|
You
can expect some hardships in the near future. This is the time to
rely on the love of family and friends and your unwavering faith in
Satan. |
|
|
|
 |
Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
|
(Retractrion)
Last week, the stars and Jupiter told you to kill your family with
your bare hands. Whoops! What they meant to say was thrill your family
- with a surprise vacation to Disney Land! |
|
|
|
 |
Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
|
Dark
forces are conspiring to make you cut your mullet. Don't listen to
them! That haircut goes great with your Nascar T-shirt! |
|
|
|
 |
Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
|
Dark
forces are conspiring to make you wash your Nascar T-shirt. |
|
|
|
 |
Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
|
You
are feeling lonely this month. Maybe you should consider getting a
pet? But not a cat or a dog. Everyone has those pets. Why not try
a pet boy? You can get one for free. They are everywhere. And they
respond well to candy. |
|
|
|
 |
Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
|
Your
Camaro is broken down in the front yard and your lady hasn't been
home for days. It's miller time. |
|
|
|
 |
Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
|
You
feel good today. Maybe you should stop being so selfish. There are
children dying in the streets. Do you think that they feel good today?
Well? Do you? You make the stars sick. |
|
|
|
 |
Aries
March
20- April 19
|
Are
you feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the world? Sometimes you
just have to stop to look at the little things in life. Like midgets.
They are little. But damn, they sure are fun to look at. |
|
|
|
 |
Taurus
April
19 - May 20
|
When
life gets you down and you just want to go to sleep but you can't
sleep because you have too much to think about and you just can't
fall asleep, just remember; 10 sleeping pills will knock you the fuck
out. |
|
|
|
