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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Sunday
June 4, 2000


By Fugly.com
June 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You could soon get money that was promised a long time ago. When you get it, what are you going to spend it on? The best thing would be to pay off some of those debts. You really can't afford to lose another finger and your face is starting to look like a pack of ground beef. You might have some sort of gambling problem.You're lucky you're not dead yet, you fucking loser.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. People have been saying nice things about you. This could lead to increased responsibilities at work, but guess what? You won't get any more money for it. You'll probably do it anyway, since you're suck a pussy and can't stand up for yourself. When are you going to grow some balls and stop letting people push you around? You make me sick.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You might want to step out of the maddening crowd for a while. You've been under pressure lately. A day spent in contemplation, in a beautiful setting, could be just what the doctor ordered. Why not check yourself into a mental institution? Tell them you've been hearing voices that command you to kill. You'll get all the rest and relaxation you need.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You're going to want to get together with friends. But, an older person might tag along. Don't be grumpy, while ascending a flight of stairs, they'll be clutching their chests from a massive heart attack. That will teach that old bastard to tag along with you, and he'll think twice the next time. Let him wait about a half hour before calling the paramedics, just to make sure.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You've been trying to get what you want, without much success. Well, maybe the time wasn't right. But, now, it is. Ask again. Be firm. A lot of girls really mean 'yes' when they're saying 'no'. A lot of them have fantasized about date-rape before, and all it takes is a little initiative on your part to really get things off to a steamy start. Call her a dirty whore, and tell her that 'she knows she wants it.'
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. This is a good time to travel, so put your money down. The change of scenery will be good for you. True, all the people who are dependent on you may have to fend for themselves, but that's OK. They'll get by. I mean, come on. The kid is nearly 6 months old. If it were a zebra, he'd be running with the herd right now. Relax. A few days alone in a closet, while you get away, will do him some good.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. Do the homework to make sure you're buying the right thing. A few hours spent reading could save you hundreds of dollars. If you're contemplating buying a car, you might save thousands. Fuck it. If you're reading the owners manual to your new handgun, it could make that car practically free. Never underestimate the influence a handgun has when politely asking someone if they'd mind if you borrowed their car.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You have more work than what fits in your schedule. You're good, but why turn into a nervous wreck and mess up your personal agenda? Even if you can do the job, hiring someone else could be smarter. Find some kid that's just finishing up college and exploit the shit out of him. Work him like a dog, and promise him you'll give him a piece of your business. Have him supply all of the equipment too. If you keep him busy enough, it may be years before he gets around to asking what his fair share is, and then you can try and really fuck him by offering him some bullshit, worthless non-voting, class B stock in your failing backwards ass piece of shit fucking company. You know exactly what I'm talking about too, you dirty, lying, no good son of a bitch.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. Yours is the sign of groups and teams. Why not organize one to help with your latest project? You can be the brains behind the operation. That's the job that fits you best since physically, your'e not worth a shit. Your spindly wrists would break under the strain of trying to actually do any physical labor. Stick to trying to boss everyone around. That's what really suits you, you fag.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. Is a crowd over at your place? You may have to clean tomorrow, but having all this love around is nurturing. If nobody's underfoot, messing with your tranquility, call and invite them over. Kids are probably the best ones to invite. There are a lot of them at the elementary school too. Why not drive up and invite them to get in your car. Offer them candy, or tell them that their Mom is sick and she asked you to pick them up. The teachers and local police will really appriciate the kind gesture.
Aries
March 20- April 19
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer, going into Leo. You'll gain momentum as the day goes along. Unfortunately, you'd like to goof off, and you may not feel like working for a couple more days. A lot of times, light yourself on fire, you'll get more than enough time off of work for fun and frollock.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
The Sun is in Gemini and the Moon is in Cancer. You're interested in learning new things, and you're getting good at it. You're growing stronger and more confident, and will soon need a new outfit to go with your new self-image? If you don't tape your balls under your ass, they will cause a bulge in your panties and noone will beleive that you're really a woman. Shave your arms too for Christ sake. You look like a fucking neandrethal.
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