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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Wednesday
August 9, 2000
By
Borkofski
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August
2000
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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What
are you, fucken DEAF!? You don't listen! Those ugly things on the
sides of your head are there for a reason, dumb ass. Not just to hold
up your faggot sunglasses. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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Paranoid,
schizophrenic bastard; you live in your own psycho realm with no concept
of reality. Don't take everything so fucken personally, you pussy.
The world does NOT revolve around YOU. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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Stop
feeling sorry for yourself you fucken pansy and start some shit!!
Become buds with the craziest homeless guy you can find and give him
one of those shiny new silver dollars for every stranger he shoves
in front of a bus. Haha! That's fun. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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Be aware your
boss is going to try to take advantage of you today. May I suggest
spiking the asshole's coffee with the newest date rape drug technology
can offer? Then use your imagination for the rest (remember, your
boss's gender is irrelevant in these circumcis- I mean circumstances).
I'm up after you...
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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You
think you are cute and funny but actually the reason you're attracting
so much attention today is because you smell like shit!!! Don't you
know that hippy crystal shit deodorant doesn't work?! And damn, your
breath smells like something crawled into your mouth and died (like
three months ago). Lay off the corned beef or something, christ...
I can't believe you can stand to be around yourself. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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The
stars tell me that you're becoming a couch potato- but in a bad way.
You are becoming old and fat and smelly. Stop watching so much TV;
it corrupts your mind. Why don't you join the rest of society you
freak and try the Atkins diet? Go outside, kill some animals with
your bare hands, and chow down. You'll feel much better about yourself. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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How
many times have I told you, you have to beat your woman to get her
to respect you!!! I f she makes it to the shelter you're not doing
it right!!!!! Make her call you daddy in between punches. Trust me,
she loves it, tough guy. |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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Getting
brought down by the man are you? Don't let society dictate what you
do with your life. Quit your greasy ass job, drop your seven bastard
children off at your crackwhore ex girl's squat, and follow the Christina
A. tour. GO!!!! Be her weenie in a bottle. She deserves your complete
attention starting NOW... |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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You
can NOT be serious about going back to school. College is for people
who can't think for themselves and need other 'smart' people to tell
them what the fuck's going on. Then again, maybe you do need to go
back to school you fucken retard. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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A
wise man recently said, "Sticking feathers up your ass does not make
you a chicken". However, sticking a dick in your mouth DOES make you
a COCKSUCKER, you homo. Keep your poopy dick away from me or I'll
rip your head off and shit down your neck. |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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Wipe
that shit-eating grin off of your face, you stupid fuck. Get ready
to be completely humiliated today, all because of your big head (yeah,
dream on, you know which head). |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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You
sick little shit!!!! How could you?!!! You're going to have to do
ten MILLION hail Marys for penance, you fucken pervert!!!! I hope
you burn in hell for what you've done!!!! And don't act like you don't
know what I'm talking about you fucken prick. |
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