Fugly
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2003
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
January 13, 2003


By: Martin
January 2003
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You can make more money without doing more work today. That's good because you don't want to do any more work. You never want to do any more work. You're a lazy, good for nothing slacker. You'll never amount to anything.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You may be bothered by a strange, uncomfortable feeling. Try not to stick things in your ass for a while and you won't have that problem. That particular orifice was designed for Exit Only. If you don't quit it, you're liable to hurt your self.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
If you're objective, you'll see your worries are justified. Your situation is getting worse and there's no way to turn it around.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You will solve a puzzle you've been struggling with. Unfortunately, one problem clears up, and another takes its place. Dealing with a disease like yours is like peeling an onion. Layer after layer of surprises.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Not only are you smart, you're playful. Play a trick on your partner today. Call his or her parents and pretend you're the State Police. Tell them that he or she was killed in an auto accident. You'll score big points with them with that rapier wit of yours, and you'll all have a good laugh at the next family get-together.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Like a stone, like a rock, like a piece of dirt, like you aint worth a shit, man. Why don't you get a job like everyone else and stop acting like such an asshole?
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Don't give up if the money hasn't met your expectations. Correct that. When you tell people exactly what you want, they're happy to provide it. When you tell them while you hold a big hunting knife to their throat, they're happy to just survive the whole ordeal. Just a suggestion.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Listen. Your conscience might be trying to tell you something. When you get busy, it's hard to hear. If you've heard someone nagging you, but no one else is around, maybe the voice is within you. If you've heard that same voice telling you to kill, maybe you need to see a psychiatrist.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A meeting with friends should go well this morning, as long as you keep your big mouth shut. It's hard for you not to chime in with your ridiculous suggestions but try to restrain your self. You're lucky to even have friends, even though they all talk about you behind your back
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
If you want more money, ask early. Same goes if you're asking for a better job. Same goes if you're asking for sex. Ask early. Why waste your time on some crappy date if all you really want is sex? Save your money for a prostitute. They're a sure thing.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

A friend from far away would like to tell you how to run your life. Get a nice, ripe road-kill and send it to them in the mail. That'll get them off your back for a while. Get some less annoying friends.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You're mastering the game you're playing now and soon, you'll get to play at a whole new level. Pocket pool. You're the master, but don't get cocky. You may discover you don't know nothin', yet. Consider it a reward for getting this far.
 
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