| |
|
|
|
January
|
February
|
|
March
|
April
|
|
May
|
June
|
|
July
|
August
|
|
September
|
October
|
|
|
|
|
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Monday
November 4, 2002
Schmed
|
|
November
2002
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
1
|
2
|
|
3
|
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
|
10
|
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
|
17
|
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
|
24
|
25 |
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
Aquarius
|
Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
|
 |
Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
|
This
is a bad week for you Scorpio, real bad. The stars don't mean to laugh,
but god damn, it's that fucking bad. On a lighter note, the stars
assure you that you will live...sort of. The stars also hope you like
food you can eat thru a straw. |
|
|
|
 |
Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
|
This
week is not looking so good for you. The stars predict that something
heavy (and most likely sharp) will fall on you. The stars are also
pretty sure that you have it coming, as the honesty and straight forwardness
you pride yourself in has pissed off pretty much everyone you know. |
|
|
|
 |
Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
|
Things
are looking up for you this week. They are also looking down, left
and to the right for you. These things bear a striking resemblence
to local law enforcement. The stars know it's good to have purpose
and to be professional about things, but for Christ sake, fucking
and killing, and not always in that exact order is NOT a good idea,
no matter how professional you are about it. |
|
|
|
 |
Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
|
Always
living in the past, aren't you Aquarius? Well the stars are here to
tell you that no matter how much reconstructive surgery you recieve,
you will never again have friends, you ugly, burnt up fuck. |
|
|
|
 |
Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
|
Remember
when your parents asked, "if everone else jumped off a bridge,
would you"? Well this week you will find out that for you, the
answer to that question is YES, you weak minded sheep. |
|
|
|
 |
Aries
March
20- April 19
|
Your
unwillingness to admit failure will result in a horrific accident,
involving 15 hardboiled eggs, a shop vac and your ass. The stars tried
to tell you. 14 is the limit. |
|
|
|
 |
Taurus
April
19 - May 20
|
Your
friends and family are sick of you thinking everyone is out to get
you. But if you just slow down and be patient, they will. Also you're
a fat lazy fuck. |
|
|
|
 |
Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
|
The
stars know you like to keep yourself busy Gemini. And they also know
you like variety in your life. But between your job, the 9 year old
boy and his little sister tied to the radiator in your basement, something
has to give. |
|
|
|
 |
Cancer
June
21 - July 22
|
It's
your week Cancer. Your sensitivity will land you points with the girl
of your dreams. It will also land you a good ass kicking when the
girl of your dreams' boyfriend decides to find out just how fucking
sensitive you really are.You god damned pussy. |
|
|
|
 |
Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
|
Hey
Leo, the stars and everyone else wish you would just SHUT THE FUCK
UP for once. No gives a shit. Your house is a dump, and you're not
funny. You're an asshole. Also, could the stars borrow 5 dollars for
some beer? |
|
|
|
 |
Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
|
The
stars know you like things clean and they think it's great you're
concerned with your hygiene. But trust the stars when they say you
don't need to wash your hands exactly 57 times a day and they are
even more certain you do not need to turn the lights on and off 5
times before each washing. Psycho. |
|
|
|
 |
Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
|
It's
ok to feel like no one likes you. But in your case, it is not a feeling,
but more like a fact. Remember, slit those wrists lengthwise!!! Also
do it in the tub, the stars are sick of cleaning up after you. |
|
|
|
