| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
April
|
|
May
|
June
|
|
July
|
August
|
|
September
|
October
|
|
November
|
December
|
|
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Monday
January 13, 2003
By:
Martin
|
|
January
2003
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
|
5
|
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
|
12
|
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
|
19
|
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
-
|
|
Aquarius
|
Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
|
 |
Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
|
You
can make more money without doing more work today. That's good because
you don't want to do any more work. You never want to do any more
work. You're a lazy, good for nothing slacker. You'll never amount
to anything. |
|
|
|
 |
Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
|
You
may be bothered by a strange, uncomfortable feeling. Try not to stick
things in your ass for a while and you won't have that problem. That
particular orifice was designed for Exit Only. If you don't quit it,
you're liable to hurt your self. |
|
|
|
 |
Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
|
If
you're objective, you'll see your worries are justified. Your situation
is getting worse and there's no way to turn it around. |
|
|
|
 |
Aries
March
20- April 19
|
You
will solve a puzzle you've been struggling with. Unfortunately, one
problem clears up, and another takes its place. Dealing with a disease
like yours is like peeling an onion. Layer after layer of surprises.
|
|
|
|
 |
Taurus
April
19 - May 20
|
Not
only are you smart, you're playful. Play a trick on your partner today.
Call his or her parents and pretend you're the State Police. Tell
them that he or she was killed in an auto accident. You'll score big
points with them with that rapier wit of yours, and you'll all have
a good laugh at the next family get-together. |
|
|
|
 |
Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
|
Like
a stone, like a rock, like a piece of dirt, like you aint worth a
shit, man. Why don't you get a job like everyone else and stop acting
like such an asshole? |
|
|
|
 |
Cancer
June
21 - July 22
|
Don't
give up if the money hasn't met your expectations. Correct that. When
you tell people exactly what you want, they're happy to provide it.
When you tell them while you hold a big hunting knife to their throat,
they're happy to just survive the whole ordeal. Just a suggestion.
|
|
|
|
 |
Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
|
Listen.
Your conscience might be trying to tell you something. When you get
busy, it's hard to hear. If you've heard someone nagging you, but
no one else is around, maybe the voice is within you. If you've heard
that same voice telling you to kill, maybe you need to see a psychiatrist. |
|
|
|
 |
Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
|
A
meeting with friends should go well this morning, as long as you keep
your big mouth shut. It's hard for you not to chime in with your ridiculous
suggestions but try to restrain your self. You're lucky to even have
friends, even though they all talk about you behind your back |
|
|
|
 |
Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
|
If
you want more money, ask early. Same goes if you're asking for a better
job. Same goes if you're asking for sex. Ask early. Why waste your
time on some crappy date if all you really want is sex? Save your
money for a prostitute. They're a sure thing. |
|
|
|
 |
Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
|
A friend from
far away would like to tell you how to run your life. Get a nice,
ripe road-kill and send it to them in the mail. That'll get them
off your back for a while. Get some less annoying friends.
|
|
|
|
 |
Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
|
You're
mastering the game you're playing now and soon, you'll get to play
at a whole new level. Pocket pool. You're the master, but don't get
cocky. You may discover you don't know nothin', yet. Consider it a
reward for getting this far. |
|
|
|
| |
