| |
|
|
|
January
|
February
|
|
March
|
April
|
|
May
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
October
2000
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
1
|
2
|
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
|
20
|
21
|
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
|
29
|
|
31
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
-
|
|
Aquarius
|
Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
|
 |
Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
|
You could find
a way to finance a home or get a new kitchen appliance. Shoplifting
is an overlooked expertise of yours. Just be careful, Kmart does
have loss prevention, and most of them have batons and don't mind
beatin' a brotherman down.
|
|
|
|
 |
Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
|
Are
you in love? It could happen at any moment. You might notice a super-optimistic
feeling, like everything's going to work out. That paxil you are taking
is starting to pay off. Never mind that no one will ever consider
going out with you. Go take a bath and brush your teeth, your stank
breath is making even me (a crack head) nauseous. |
|
|
|
 |
Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
|
Fame
and fortune could be your fate. The bad news is that you'll have to
work for it. The good news is a lot of people watch America's Most
Wanted, and the young Latino they got to play you knows almost 50
words in English! |
|
|
|
 |
Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
|
The
opportunities seem boundless, and friends bring more to your attention
all the time. Even though you claim you were asleep on the night of
sept.23 your friend wont tell the police that. Yes you will get
all the attention you crave in a holding cell after your accused of
a sex crime. You know you did it? Why not come clean? |
|
|
|
 |
Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
|
If
the action seems too fast, take your time. Set your own pace even
if it means pulling over every once in a while to let the others zip
by. Just because you were first in line at the gang-bang, doesn't
mean you have to be the first to finish? Do you really think you are
going to do any damage with your two-inch hard-on? |
|
|
|
 |
Aries
March
20- April 19
|
The
Sun is in Scorpio. Just sit back and listen. You hear me you honkey
motherfucker!?! Just sit there and keep your fucking pie hole shut!!!
Nobody gives a fuck what you have to say! Yo. Can I hold $20 until
payday? |
|
|
|
 |
Taurus
April
19 - May 20
|
The
Sun is in Scorpio. Money's plentiful right now. It might take work
to get it, but it's out there. If the store-owner won't open the register
fast enough, stick your hand in your pocket and tell him you'll blast
his kimchee eating ass back to Korea, if that doesn't work just hit
him in the face with a 40 oz. of Olde English 800. Who knows? Maybe
he doesn't have a gun? |
|
|
|
 |
Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
|
You
and your bitch can have lots of fun today - a bottle of Nighttrian,
a 20 rock, is the perfect setting to a perfect evening. Then hit the
skins, smack him or her in the head with a brick. Hey while they are
unconscious, why not go through their purse/wallet? |
|
|
|
 |
Cancer
June
21 - July 22
|
Add
a splash of new color to your décor. That smell of urine and fecees
is starting to get stale around your cardboard box. All the other
bums plan to murder you in your sleep so keep your guard up. |
|
|
|
 |
Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
|
This
is a great day to study. Why not scope out that bank on Main St.?
Hey, you can take out that security guard with a cue ball in a sock
- no problem. Then, tens or hundreds of dollars can be yours! |
|
|
|
 |
Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
|
You
should go straight to the top. Lack experience? You'll gain it on
the way up. You will go from sucking trucker cock at rest stops for
10 bucks, to a $500 a night whore in no time! |
|
|
|
 |
Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
|
You'll
have so many admirers today; you'll have to issue them numbers. I
guess id have that many admirers too if I gave everyone on the football
team head. you're a filthy whore |
|
|
|
| |
