Fugly
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2003
April
May
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December
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
February 24, 2003


By: Martin
February 2003
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Kill Kill Kill Kill. Don't second guess yourself, just do it. Kill! Kill! Kill!!
Aries
March 20- April 19
You should be in a pretty good mood. Having today off would be nice so that you could play with friends. Call your work and tell them there's a bomb in the building and that it's set to go off at noon. By the time they check things out, it will be time to go home anyway. The next day, tell your boss about your little prank. He'll think it's hysterical!
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Something that needs your attention is going on at home. Your son or daughter is gay. Right now, they're performing all sorts of unnatural sex acts with the neighbor kid. There will be blood and feces covering your sheets when you get home. They'll try to deny it. Don't trust them.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You're a little more assertive than usual today. Everyone is starting to hate you for it. You always act like you're the center of the fucking universe and everything revolves around you. Well guess what? It isn't. You're a pushy asshole and someone is going to kick your scrawny ass if you don't shut the fuck up.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You're getting a lot of attention, and that could make you nervous. If you're in charge of somebody else's money, ask them what they want. Then, without their knowing it, invest the money in some worthless penny-stock and see what happens. It isn't your money. Why should you give a shit if it's lost? That fucking idiot should have known better than to trust a thieving jerk like you anyway.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You look marvelous, or so you think. What were you thinking? You really look like some sort of circus freak. Everyone is laughing at you behind your back. You're such a joke.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
If more than one person gives you an assignment, you just tell them to back the fuck off. What are you some sort of slave? Try this. Lick your index finger and rub your forearm vigorously as if you're trying to remove a stain. When nothing happens, thrust your arm in front of their face and scream, "What color is this?! Huh!? What color am I, motherfucker!?" They'll get the hint that you're no slave, and return to giving you the respect you deserve.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
This is a nice day for you. You're strong, confident and ready to get things done. There's a group of criminals in your area that are impersonating police officers. If you see one, throw rocks at him until he is under control. You'll be a hero and everyone will thank you for your bravery.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

If you want to sell your idea, show the buyer the bottom line. If you're a woman, show him your tits. Let's face it, your idea sucks and the only reason that they're even talking to you is that tight little ass of yours. You suck. You're nothing but a filthy whore.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
If you can't spend the day running and playing, at least schedule a day like that for later. Jerk off in the bathroom of where you work. You'll find that it relaxes and centers you.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're in the spotlight today. More like under the microscope. Soon your dirty little secret is going to be uncovered and you'll be laughed out of town. Better commit suicide and avoid the embarrassment.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You might argue with your partner today. Don't give in, no matter what. Even if you think she's on to you, stick to your story. She won't be able to prove a thing and you'll most likely get away with it. Deny deny deny.
 
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