Fugly
Did you know?... -40 degrees Celsius is equal to -40 degrees Fahrenheit.
2003
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
February 17, 2003


By: Martin
February 2003
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You know a lot, but you don't know everything. Nor should you. What fun is that? Today, instead of struggling with something you don't understand, ask somebody who thinks it's easy. That way, if you fuck it up, like you always do, you can blame it on them.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Now's your chance to make some fresh starts, especially when it comes to your home and family life. As long as they're under 18, you can still put your children up for adoption and get cracking on a whole new set. Better hurry. You're not getting any younger.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You could be dying for a little adventure, but there's some stuff around the house that will keep you stuck at home. House arrest is a common form of punishment for minor crimes like yours and it's nothing to be ashamed of. A pair of loose fitting khakies will conceal that leg-bracelet of yours.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
If you and your sweetie have been having a few disagreements lately, you'll probably feel a little better about it now. This is simply the eye of the storm. you'll soon be back at it again and the relationship will quickly disintegrate.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You should be feeling like you've got a fresh burst of energy right now. It's actually proabably just all the caffeine that you've been drinking and it's most likely doing a lot of serious damage to your heart.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Now's not the best time for you to party hearty with your buddies. It would be better for you to focus and spend your time on more important things, like making homemade explosives and hoarding weapons. It's later than you think.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
If you're having trouble with your team, relationship or job, relax. Soon, a medical condition will leave you blind and deaf and you won't have to see or hear anyone ever again.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A game you've been playing is almost over. Count your wins and losses and shuffle the deck. Call the folks back home, just to let them know what's going on with you. Then, clean up all those little pieces of brain and skull. The pools of blood. You gotta soak that shit up. Line the front seat and the back seat and the floorboards with quilts and blankets. So if a cop stops us sand starts sticking his big snout in the car, the subterfuge won't last, but a glance the car will appear to be normal.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You're raring to go! If you've saved money, you could do something that seemed like a fantasy not long ago. Unfortunately, you haven't and so you'll spend the weekend sitting on you ass as usual and watching TV. What a fucking loser.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Do you have ideas about fixing up your home that your roommate doesn't share? Well dont' worry about it because a fire will destroy the entire place very soon.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Money is the root of all evil. That's why it is up to you to rid the world of it. Start by robbing all the banks in your local area and burning the cash. Later you can move on to another town to stamp out the evil there too.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Does somebody in your family need help with a difficult project? Well fuck them. it's not up to you to have to explan things to everyone all the time. If you offer your services; you'll waste your whole day on it.
 
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