Fugly
Did you know?... A man once sued his doctor because he survived his cancer longer than the doctor predicted.
2002
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
December 9, 2002


By Evil Sarah
Decembere 2002
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
A little of everything in the morning, and then a lot of everything in the afternoon. That's right, we're talking about Malt Liquor again. Try to finish at least a 40 before lunch today. Nothing helps growing bones and teeth like nutrition rich Malt Liquor.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Quit acting like suck a fucking know-it-all today. You're pissing everyone off and people are even planning your murder. You suck and you deserve it, you annoying prick.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
There will be tension today at school when classes seem to be getting too advanced for you to handle. You might think this is because you've slacked off but you're wrong. You're wrong about everything. Things are hard for you because you're stupid. You'll never amount to anything and you'll end up working at McDonald's for the rest of your life.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You're going to get beat up this week. Twice.
Aries
March 20- April 19
If you have an after school job, today is the day to be assertive and tell your co-workers what is on your mind. Tell them how you like to look at them in the showers after gym class and them hide in one of the bathroom stalls and masturbate. What we're trying to tell you is that you need to get some different friends.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
This is one of those days that I hope you did your homework. Your teacher may assume you did and ask you to lead a discussion about it. Your only way out of this is going to be to fake a seizure. If your teacher attempts to perform CPR, stick your tongue in his or her mouth. Trust me, the last thing he or she will be concerned with after that is if you've done your stupid homework.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
If you have a pet, pretend that they are with you today; it will bring you peace of mind and make people think you are interesting, which will make the fake people stay away. Pretend that your pet starts to attack you and claw at your face. Jab a pencil in your eye-socket and gouge out one of your eyes to make it look real.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Today presents many challenges. The first will come from someone you think might be your soul mate. The second will come from hidden information being made public. These two things are connected and there are photos and videotape as evidence. You'll soon be the laughing stock of the entire school. Douche bag.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Money is just what the doctor ordered, but a parental figure may think otherwise. Today will remind you to get your own piggy bank and save for your own financial freedom. Today will also remind you of what a loser you are and how little your parents really care about you. You were a mistake. They never even wanted children.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A friend will help you through an emotional crisis. Pay attention to a smart quiet kid in your class - this person will point you in the direction of your next soul mate. This person is also carrying bombs and several handguns in their book-bag. Tomorrow this person will go on a shooting spree. Don't go to school tomorrow.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Someone may be fooling you about romantic illusions. That someone could be YOU. Quit kidding yourself. People your age will say and do anything to get laid. Do you actually think he or she really means all of that crap? Wake up idiot.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Finally you will find someone to share a secret with, someone you can trust, or so you think. Your new "friend" is telling everyone about all your dirty little secrets and even making things up. Who is it? The only thing to do is to kill any new friends you have recently met. That way, you're sure to get rid of that lying rat bastard. Better act fast before they spread any more gossip.

 
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