Fugly
Did you know?... Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.
2002
January
February
March
April
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
December 2, 2002


By Martin Felcher
Decembere 2002
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Although you've been concerned about money, you should be doing ok now. If you have a retiremant plan, or a 401K, cash it all out today. Take every penny you own and purchase lottery tickets. You have to play to win, you know, and with all of those tickets there's no way you can lose. Whoohoo. Easy street, here you come!
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're busy caring for other people, as usual. Maybe you need somebody to take care of you. A lot of those asian massage parlors are really just fronts for prostitution. Why not check one of them out? You'll probably at least get a hand job if you tip her well and assure her you're not a cop.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You like to stay in control, but that can be expensive. That fucking Prozac is costing you a small fortune. It's getting to the point that you'd rather be crazy than fork out all of the moey for that shit, no matter how good it makes you feel.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Some people say you shouldn't work with family members because of possible disagreements and hurt feelings. This is especially true if you work doing a two-girl show at bachelor parties. It's just going to lead to trouble and really, it's pretty gross.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Putting up a barn? A hot tub on the patio? Well, guess what? You have no idea what you're doing you dumbass, and if you're too cheap to call a contractor, the deck will collapse and people could get seriously hurt. Quit being so cheap.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
You may be in a rather pensive mood. You want to think, read and ponder things. While you're sitting there, goofing off, some young hotshot is eyeing your job. You better get off your lazy ass and do some work if you know what's good for you.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
How are you going to make enough money? You want to do something, but you can't afford it. Well, selling crack is a good way to start. People will sell their souls for just one more hit off the pipe. This could be your yellow brick road to riches.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You'll be strongest in the morning. You're likely to get more pensive as the day goes on. Do you ever go shopping just to feel better? Be careful. It would be better if you went shop-lifting instead to boost your spirits. It won't cost you anything and it's such a rush.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Prepare a lesson plan first thing so you'll know exactly what you want. When you make your presentation to the group, they'll be glad to go along with your ideas if you're standing there naked and fully aroused. You'll be large and in charge, just the way you like it. But first, get ready! Fluff up!
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You and your group have plans. Everybody's been full of good ideas, but that's not enough. You are going to need some more guns to put this plan into effect. Remember, they send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue. That's the Chicago way.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Be respectful of authority figures. Once you make a good impression, you'll be in with an important crowd. Then you can start to undermine them and turn them against eachother.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

How are you going to accomplish what you want? Cheating, that's how. All of the most successful people out there got where they are by cheating. They tell you it's hard work and dedication in school so you'l remain meek and more easilly manipulated by the people that actually know what's going on. You're such a sucker. I can't beleive you didn't know that.

 
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