Fugly
Did you know?... The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Friday
September 28, 2001


By Evil Sarah
September 2001
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You're still getting a lot of attention. Is more work coming in? People have been talking about you, and they're saying very bad things. If you don't quit doing that shit, someone is going to kick your ass.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
The pressure's on to get things done. One of the last stumbling blocks is finally out of the way. Go ahead and try some of that that smack you bought the other day. I know that they told you to just snort it, but hey. It's time to celebrate. Shoot that junk right into your arm! Whoohoo. Party time!
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A group of people you know needs you! They need you for the brunt of all of their jokes. They need you to poke fun at. They need you to take advantage of, and they need you to blame things on. Isn't it nice to feel needed?
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
When was the last time you called in sick, sat home in your underpants and drank a case of beer? Oh, wait. It was yesterday, and you didn't call is sick. You got fired. Why not get off your fat ass and look for a job today? Fuckhead.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
You need a little bit of courage and some money, too. You know what needs to be done; you just weren't sure you could do it. One thing's certain, though. You'll never know if you don't try. Once you try, then you'll know for certain that you can't, but until then, in your mind, you still have a shot at it. You're so stupid.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You're becoming a pretty good businessperson, or so you think. You may have thought you didn't have the talent, but who cares? You don't, but you've got a lot of money to piss away yet. Live it up, and get yourself some whores. That's what all the other fat cats do.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're spending a lot of money lately, possibly for a partnership. Guess what. You're going to get taken advantage of, as usual. When will you ever learn that you just think a lot slower than everyone else? It's ok. Just quit trying to do things like this and get yourself a nice fast-food job.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You are strong, decisive and bold. That's a nice way of saying pushy, obnoxious and arrogant. Why don't you quit acting like such an asshole all the time?
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Something is going on behind the scenes. It could end up helping you but since you talk so fucking much, you're sure to screw it up. Nothing good will happen to you today.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Seems like you're doing a lot of entertaining lately, especially for you. 47 guys in two days is a lot. You're going to need to ice that thing up after this week is over. Quit making them wear condoms. The latex may start to chafe you a little.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Sometimes you say you can do something that you don't know how to do. This happens a lot, since you don't know how to do jack-shit. Quit trying to act like a big shot. You're stupid. Get used to it.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
If anybody from far away owes you money, give him or her a call. If you can't get them on the phone, drive out there. If they still won't pay, beat their face in, and burn down their house. You need to set an example.
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