Fugly
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
April 30, 2001


By L.T. Jackson

April 2001
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Takes it slow and easy. You may have to be explain yo' reasoning, but that be OK. Even a person who be as stubborn as you are can be convinced. Finding the right words will be easy. Try sayin', "yes sir officer sir." If dat don't work, try to runs like hell before the put the cuffs on yo black ass. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Find a quiet place where you can go scopes out the place. Yo' bitch say she ain't gots no monies for you, buts everybody know she be the corna' ho… everybody that is except for you dumb ass. She will tell youse on the nex' episode of Springer. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Heaven knows you been workin' hard enough. Finally, some of the rewards you have been earnin' are coming yo' way. You done worked up from lookout, to da' man holdin! I bets yo' moms and pops is proud! Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23

If everyone would just go along with yo scheme, the worlds would be's a wonderful place. You Know that shit ain't gonna happen, though. There'll be at least one punk-ass bieeotch. Jus' pop a cap in that bitch and the rest of yo' hostages will hit the muffaguan flo'! Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
New responsibilities be's coming soon. Dat's right, Laquisha done got knocked up again. But luckily it ain't yours, but the lyin bitch be telling social services it is. Maybe youse should introduce that lyin bitch to a flight of stairs. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Yo' friends might encourage your punk ass to break yo' piggy bank to buy the rock. That's a dumb idea. Yo real friends don't like you for your money or yo' crack. If you're going to buy anything, get a new burner, and bust a cap in yo lyin ass friend. He got a hundred bucks in his pocket, cheap Jewish devil! Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

NO BITCH!! HE AIN'T PUFF DADDY NO MORE! He wanna be called P-diddy now, you stupid trick ass ho'. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Youse should finally be feeling better. You mights even wants to try something new, like learnin to keep yo' fuckin' mouff shut. Gawd Damn dawg, I ain't ever seen a nigga gets a beat down like dat's before. It must suck havin' to eats yo' supper through a straw. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You mights have to scrimp and save to get what you wants, but that's be OK. Youse be great when it comes to delayed gratification. Youse never give up, and that be one of the secrets of your success. Just keep pickin' up dem aluminum cans, ands you have 10 bucks for a dime piece in no time. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Listen up nigga, Don't rush into anything. Ask questions, and explain things from your point of view. Them white devil Po-lice mens says they gonna gives you a deal ifs you signs a confession, the deal is yo' black ass be going to state prison for a dime. Then whens you get there you will gets ass raped for bein' a snitch, punk ass trick. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You be motivated and determined. Nobody said it's gonna be easy. Now gets on yo' knees bitch, and earn LT his money you white trash ho. Yo' momma was Lt's bitch, now so is you! Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
Aries
March 20- April 19
You and yo bitch (and yo shitty childrens) need to have a serious talk about monies. No need to be negative. Jus' pistol whips dey momma in fronts of dem, until ones confesses about takin' all them quarters out of yo' jar. It'll be fun. Yo man, lets me holds 20 dollahs 'til payday?
 
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