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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
March 19, 2001


By L.T. Jackson

March 2001
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Sometimes the way to make money is to spend it. Your contribution to a worthy cause is appreciated, and could actually lead to more money coming your way. Dat's right, send L.T. some money and you gets rich SUCKA! Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Be careful which way you turn; especially in that Lexus SUV. Come in L.T's hood, and you gonna be one Jacked bitch! NOW PUT IT IN PARK, KEEP IT RUNNING, AND KEEP YO MOUFF SHUT! Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
A cross-town jaunt would be a fun way to visit friends and to go shopping. If there's a big store you don't go to very often, that's a perfect destination. You know, like Best Buy, where you can shoplift every thang, nigga! Go visits yo daddy in county next doh. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Don't get too rowdy, even if your friends goad you. You could get a ticket today for a minor infraction. Or you can get 7 years mandatory for armed robbery. Next time remember not to wear your McDonalds uniform, and name-tag you dumb bitch. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You'll be your most attractive if you play hard-to-get. You give the illusion of being helpless, while the opposite's the case. Dat's right, don't accept no less than 20 bucks for head. You filthy crack ho! Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You're doing a job for somebody else, possibly for free, but you is a dumb ass cracka' bitch. The Honorable Malcolm Jamal Washington X Mustafa teach us dat the white man always tryin to keep us down. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
This is a glorious day for love. And nothin' say I love you like a pipe full of rock. That or a good slap in the mouff to keep yo bitch in check. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You like to look good when you're out on a date, but you could be cutest covered in mud. What da fuck? Is dat some kind of racial slur? You cracka ass muvva fuggin crackas!! Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You like to control romantic situations, but that's not always necessary. Maybe today you won't needs a handgun to get laid, but I doubt it. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Fixing up your place the way you have in mind could be expensive, but it had to happen eventually. Better yet, just break into a neighbor's house and steal their shit instead.
Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Read a good book today, but don't spend all day by yourself. You won't find everything you need to know in books. Learn from a person you love very much. Because we all knows dat the white mans proppagannadas is in dem books. Learn from the Honorable Malcolm Jamal Washington X Mustafa abouts how da' white mans keep a brother down. Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You may feel hemmed in by forces you don't understand. Luckily, your friends will come to your rescue. Call one who shares your point of view and get the reassurance you crave. Or jus call bobby puru, he be hookin a nigga up! Pork, it's the otha' whitey meat.
 
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