Fugly
Did you know?... In Albania, nodding your head means 'no' and shaking your head means 'yes'.
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
February 12, 2001


By L.T. Jackson
February 2001
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
The moon be in Scorpio and the Sun be on thu' other side uh da' bars. You have a real talent for talking your way out of a tough situation, except when you're in front of a Judge, that is. You're getting a mandatory 7 years, and for what? Here's a little hint. Sperm banks do not have that much money. Idiot.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Ahhhh, you're new fish. And you're in for parking tickets? I hope you like the taste of grape jelly and maple syrup. You'll be tossing L.T.'s salad in no time, cracka ass cracka.
Aries
March 20- April 19
There are two laws of nature that will become painfully apparent to you today. First, whatever can go wrong, will. Second, if you drop the soap standing next to L.T. Jackson, you're ass will be sore for weeks, muffuggah.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
A family dispute could turn ugly. It's probably a good idea to hide any handguns and ammunition before the police arrive. If you do happen to shoot a loved one, remember to only wound them. Who else is going to bail your punk ass outa' County, foo?
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You're a poor judge of character. What were you thinking? A crack whore is a piss poor choice for a lookout. Especially when you're trying to smoke a joint in the poke. Enjoy the next 3 days in D-block, sucka'. While you're in there, that crack head is gonna steal your mat, blanket and soap.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You are a shrewd negotiator and you don't take no for an answer. Who else could manage to trade two full bags of cookies for one wet cigarette? Now, if you can only find a lighter. Dummy.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You're used to the good life, so a sudden change can be a bit uncomfortable. Don't worry. You look good in an orange jumpsuit. Having trouble sleeping? Well den' make bond, mufuggah.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You fast huh? Almost fast enough to be stealin' L.T.'s milk? Well, L.T.'s shank is faster den' dat. Sleep tight, beeach.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Lucky day, lucky day. Tonight is fried chicken night. I'll trade you my milk fo a wing. Your lucky number today is, "Q".
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Keep yo head up dawg, and yo pimp hand heavy. I got some bad news my nigga. While you be pullin 30 days fo not payin chyl support, A close friend is pullin his cock outa' yo bitch. Don't sweat it. Not even when you get the Polaroids of him chillin' in yo crib and playin wiff yo kids.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Gott-damm! Today is yo day! You made inmate trustee. Thass right. You bust your ass for 30 more days, an whitey will knock 4 days off your 6 month sentence. Foo.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and your guts warm, but I guess you're right. It was almost your duty to tell the hacks about dat shank dat your bunkmate had made. He got 7 days in d-block and you're gonna get ass-raped by 14 different guys for being a snitch. Nice trade, bun-boy.
 
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