Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Wednesday
October 25, 2000


By L.T. Jackson
October 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You could find a way to finance a home or get a new kitchen appliance. Shoplifting is an overlooked expertise of yours. Just be careful, Kmart does have loss prevention, and most of them have batons and don't mind beatin' a brotherman down.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Are you in love? It could happen at any moment. You might notice a super-optimistic feeling, like everything's going to work out. That paxil you are taking is starting to pay off. Never mind that no one will ever consider going out with you. Go take a bath and brush your teeth, your stank breath is making even me (a crack head) nauseous.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Fame and fortune could be your fate. The bad news is that you'll have to work for it. The good news is a lot of people watch America's Most Wanted, and the young Latino they got to play you knows almost 50 words in English!
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
The opportunities seem boundless, and friends bring more to your attention all the time. Even though you claim you were asleep on the night of sept.23 your friend wont tell the police that. Yes you will get all the attention you crave in a holding cell after your accused of a sex crime. You know you did it? Why not come clean?
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
If the action seems too fast, take your time. Set your own pace even if it means pulling over every once in a while to let the others zip by. Just because you were first in line at the gang-bang, doesn't mean you have to be the first to finish? Do you really think you are going to do any damage with your two-inch hard-on?
Aries
March 20- April 19
The Sun is in Scorpio. Just sit back and listen. You hear me you honkey motherfucker!?! Just sit there and keep your fucking pie hole shut!!! Nobody gives a fuck what you have to say! Yo. Can I hold $20 until payday?
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
The Sun is in Scorpio. Money's plentiful right now. It might take work to get it, but it's out there. If the store-owner won't open the register fast enough, stick your hand in your pocket and tell him you'll blast his kimchee eating ass back to Korea, if that doesn't work just hit him in the face with a 40 oz. of Olde English 800. Who knows? Maybe he doesn't have a gun?
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You and your bitch can have lots of fun today - a bottle of Nighttrian, a 20 rock, is the perfect setting to a perfect evening. Then hit the skins, smack him or her in the head with a brick. Hey while they are unconscious, why not go through their purse/wallet?
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Add a splash of new color to your décor. That smell of urine and fecees is starting to get stale around your cardboard box. All the other bums plan to murder you in your sleep so keep your guard up.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
This is a great day to study. Why not scope out that bank on Main St.? Hey, you can take out that security guard with a cue ball in a sock - no problem. Then, tens or hundreds of dollars can be yours!
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You should go straight to the top. Lack experience? You'll gain it on the way up. You will go from sucking trucker cock at rest stops for 10 bucks, to a $500 a night whore in no time!
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You'll have so many admirers today; you'll have to issue them numbers. I guess id have that many admirers too if I gave everyone on the football team head. you're a filthy whore
 
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