Fugly
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2003
April
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
March 3, 2003


By: Martin
March 2003
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You could be busy for most of the day. Just when you get things running smoothly, a monkey wrench could be thrown into your machinery. It could come in the form of a rush order or a change in your procedures. There's a good chance you'll be horrible disfigured in an accident involving farm equipment. Don't doze off!
Aries
March 20- April 19
You could get interested in working soon. That's good because something that you thought you had figured out might go awry. What an idiot. You never cease to amaze people with how stupid you can be. You fuck up everything you get your hands on. Just sit down and let someone who actually knows what the fuck they're doing handle it. Asshole.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
You may feel like you're pouring money down a rat hole. A household project could cost more than you think it should. Instead of cutting frills, why not start a fire in the house and collect on the insurance. Be careful. Gasoline fires leave a tell tale residue. Use paper to get that blaze going!
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
TYou'll get a lot done, early. You're in a high-speed mood. When you're like that, time seems to stand still. You can smell colors and occasionally your hand will 'melt' into the wall. You've taken too much. Just try and relax. This could last for up to 12 hours.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You may finally start to understand what's going on. You're not stupid; it's just that when you were a little kid, they used lead paint in your house and now you just don't think as fast as the rest of us. This is going to only get worse as you get older so you may as well get used to it.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You and a group of people are about to put your plans into effect. All you need is a little more money and since you're such a retard, the only way you're going to get it is by sucking cock. That's right. Make sure you use protection. A lot of those old guys will like it if you can put the condom on with your mouth.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You may have been putting up with something an older person wanted you to do. You've been as nice as you can, but you're just about fed up. You don't have to let that old crippled fucker push you around. Put rat poison in their food. If they’re eon any type of medication, switch it with sugar pills. Once they're immobilized, you can tie them to the bed and torture them for weeks. Fuckers.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Travel plans could be stalled. You can make a connection with a group of people early in the day, but you may have to take care of yourself later. A dentist's appointment? Making yourself the top priority is good every once in a while. Especially when your breath stinks as bad as it does. Don't you ever brush your teeth? It's horrible. It smells like burning rubber in your mouth. You're so disgusting.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You need to be careful, move slowly and pay attention. If you can figure out how to use somebody else's money to make a big purchase, do it. That should be a better deal than spending your own. Most people just pay those credit card bills without looking at the individual purchases if they don't appear unusually large. Better to pay in installments so they won't notice.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Just about the time you relax, you might have a pop quiz. Keep the facts right at your fingertips. Keep plenty of ether on hand too. If that cop starts poking around again, you may have to get rid of him.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You may want to play, but you can't get away. Make your date for Friday night but make the call right now. A lot of escort services require a couple days notice unless you just want some skank whore.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You might want to buy a nice gift for somebody you care about. Once you find out how much it costs, however, you could change your mind. Fuck them. You've got better things to spend six bucks on than a stupid gift. What the fuck were you thinking?
 
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