Fugly
Did you know?... Panophobia is the fear of everything.
2002
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
November 11, 2002


By Martin Felcher
November 2002
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

A roommate has plans for this weekend that involve you and your home. His plans for your home involve lots of Crisco and small rodents. His plans for you only involve your rectum. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Something you're trying at work could fail. Haaa! What are we talking about? Everything you try at work fails. That's why you don't make shit for a salary. Nobody expects anything better from you. Go straighten up your desk again, dipshit.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Buying nice gifts for the people you love is one of your favorite things to do. That's why you're in so much debt and you have collections people calling at all hours of the day. Nice guys finish last. Don't give gifts to anyone unless they give you one first. Jerk.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Something isn't going well at home. It's upsetting and may have you confused. Don't be too hard on yourself. Err.Wait. We said that wrong. We meant, 'don't be such a hard on, yourself'. If you'd quit acting like such a huge prick, maybe things at home wouldn't' be going so bad. Dick.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You're strong, while others are having all sorts of problems. They're liable to come to you for help making decisions. Just repeat what ever they say in the form of a question. They'll solve their own problems, and you'll look smart. You know, people actually pay for that kind of crap.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Your house is on fire.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Things aren't working out as easily as expected. You're determined that you know best, but others aren't easily convinced. Because you're such a pushy, know-it-all prick, they'll eventually just agree with you to shut you up, as usual.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
What the hell is that ringing in your ears? Do you hear that? Is that coming from inside your head? What the hell is that?
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You're a generous person, but you don't have to give all your money away. I mean, you do if you want to have friends and all because that's the only reason they hang around you, but you don't have to do it. Why don't you buy a dog?
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
It seems like every time you turn around, you meet with more and more criticism. That's because your ass is so fat.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Don't bother scheduling a luncheon date. You won't have much free time until next week, when they remove the breathing tubes and take you off of life support. Red means stop. Green means go. Retard.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Your sweetheart or partner could be in a tizzy about money, and this makes your life difficult and could cause some tears to be shed. Punch him or her in the face and scream, "Leave me the hell alone or I'll give you something to really cry about!" That works pretty well on kids. Who knows? It will probably work on sweethearts too.
 
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