Fugly
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2002
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
November 4, 2002


Schmed
November 2002
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22
This is a bad week for you Scorpio, real bad. The stars don't mean to laugh, but god damn, it's that fucking bad. On a lighter note, the stars assure you that you will live...sort of. The stars also hope you like food you can eat thru a straw.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
This week is not looking so good for you. The stars predict that something heavy (and most likely sharp) will fall on you. The stars are also pretty sure that you have it coming, as the honesty and straight forwardness you pride yourself in has pissed off pretty much everyone you know.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
Things are looking up for you this week. They are also looking down, left and to the right for you. These things bear a striking resemblence to local law enforcement. The stars know it's good to have purpose and to be professional about things, but for Christ sake, fucking and killing, and not always in that exact order is NOT a good idea, no matter how professional you are about it.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Always living in the past, aren't you Aquarius? Well the stars are here to tell you that no matter how much reconstructive surgery you recieve, you will never again have friends, you ugly, burnt up fuck.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
Remember when your parents asked, "if everone else jumped off a bridge, would you"? Well this week you will find out that for you, the answer to that question is YES, you weak minded sheep.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Your unwillingness to admit failure will result in a horrific accident, involving 15 hardboiled eggs, a shop vac and your ass. The stars tried to tell you. 14 is the limit.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Your friends and family are sick of you thinking everyone is out to get you. But if you just slow down and be patient, they will. Also you're a fat lazy fuck.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
The stars know you like to keep yourself busy Gemini. And they also know you like variety in your life. But between your job, the 9 year old boy and his little sister tied to the radiator in your basement, something has to give.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
It's your week Cancer. Your sensitivity will land you points with the girl of your dreams. It will also land you a good ass kicking when the girl of your dreams' boyfriend decides to find out just how fucking sensitive you really are.You god damned pussy.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Hey Leo, the stars and everyone else wish you would just SHUT THE FUCK UP for once. No gives a shit. Your house is a dump, and you're not funny. You're an asshole. Also, could the stars borrow 5 dollars for some beer?
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
The stars know you like things clean and they think it's great you're concerned with your hygiene. But trust the stars when they say you don't need to wash your hands exactly 57 times a day and they are even more certain you do not need to turn the lights on and off 5 times before each washing. Psycho.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
It's ok to feel like no one likes you. But in your case, it is not a feeling, but more like a fact. Remember, slit those wrists lengthwise!!! Also do it in the tub, the stars are sick of cleaning up after you.
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