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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Thursday
November 30, 2000


By Martin Felcher
November 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You could get more work soon - and even more money. It's not easy yet, but at least it's finally lucrative. Just keep doing what you're doing and have faith. It's hard for you to walk and even harder for you to control your bowels, but this is going to pay off, eventually. .Maybe.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're in the catbird seat. That's partially because you're just so darned good-looking. That's what you think, anyway. One thing's for sure. It has absolutely nothing at all with your personality. You're an asshole.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Something you've been thinking about doing for a long time can finally happen. It's not due to luck; it's from your hard work. It's takes a special kind of person to dig a 15-foot pit in their basement and you've proved you have what it takes. Now, all you need to do is cruise the playgrounds and get yourself some companionship. You've worked hard! Go for it!
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You love to be helpful, and you've got the opportunity to help out a lot. Your experience is something the others are relying upon to achieve their goals. In other words, you'll continue to be taken advantage of and other people will get credit for your hard work, as usual. Sucker.
Aries
March 20- April 19
Your initial effort might not go as well as planned. You can achieve your goal through an older person's help. Or. you can achieve your goals through an older person's death. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Don't be stopped by the first problem that gets in your way. If you persist, you can succeed. Don't be surprised if you run into a snag this morning. Don't be surprised if you run into a couple parked cars and then into a playground full of children this afternoon either, you drunk.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
You need to follow through on something you've promised. This may be as simple as paying back a debt. It might be as complicated as a written confession. Either way, avoid it like you do everything else. People should know not to believe anything you tell them by now. It's really their problem, not yours.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Something you've been thinking about doing could work out well. Hahahah! Yeah, right!
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
More work comes in, but the money's not showing up yet. Keep doing what's required and don't complain. Do a little more than what's required, and you're payback will be more generous. It won't all be in money, though. About 99% of it will be in the form of a shitty fountain pen or some worthless trophy. When are you going to realize that you're just a tool? Call in sick tomorrow.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You can get through better than just about anybody today. This gives you an advantage. Traveling with your sweetheart to a favorite place should work well. Show her how much you love her and have dinner while you're out there. Afterward, show her what a man you are and have your way with her, whether she likes it or not.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You may be bothered by domestic matters, and who wouldn't be, living in the dump that you do? You want to change or fix something, but you only want the best. You can't afford it. Not now. Not ever. Forget about it, and just keep drinking to dull the pain of your shitty life.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You're using new skills, and they're working well. Just be careful. Sometimes it's a lot easier to get things into your ass than out of them. Proceed with caution.

 
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