Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Friday
November 24, 2000


By LT Jackson
November 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

It's a good day to teach what you know. Your friends will be fascinated at just how fucking stupid one human being can be. Trust me they're laughing AT you, not with you.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
The sense of grim foreboding you awoke with may still be there. You may feel overwhelmed by a difficult task. Where are you going to find 20 bucks for today's fix? Nobody said life was gonna be easy.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You have it relatively easy right now. You could lap the pack, making it difficult for others to catch up. That's right! Who else do you know who's had sex with 40 different people in one day? I bet your parents are so proud of you! Whore.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You may feel inhibited and stifled, with good reason. No one seems to understand the way you choose to express yourself. Although you call it art, smearing your own feces all over your body is just gross. Take a bath, stinky.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
I was the one who killed your dog. I sold it to a Vietnamese restaurant. Sorry about that.
Aries
March 20- April 19
This sure is a shitty Friday, isn't it? A critical co-worker makes you do the job over and over until it's perfect. Don't complain; that'll get back to the boss. Instead, jerk-off in there coffee mug. But be careful for hidden cameras, or you'll be on "Caught on Tape number 12".
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Make plans with your family for your next project. You're a creative bunch, especially this week. All you really have to work out is, who's gonna shoot mom and dad, and who's gonna bury there old asses? Just make sure the wills are up to date.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
The less said, the better. Keep your head down and listen. A person who's generally secretive might confide in you. That's what usually happens when you dress like a priest and hang out in confessionals. Just don't get caught jerking-off this time, scumbag.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
The information you're learning helps you express yourself. You just knew all those nights at the firing range would make you "more of a man"? Now go out, walk the streets, find a group of people and express your new skills!
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You might profit by gathering up money that other people owe you. To succeed, you won't have to think quickly; just be stubborn. A handgun wouldn't hurt either. We know what kind of dirt bag filth you hangout with.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You're strong, so carefully calculate your next move. If you're not sure what will happen if you push button "A," push it anyway. Besides; if something bad happens, you'll have a cool nickname like "nubby" Or "the guy that used to have 10 fingers".
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Don't talk much about your finances. Just stash away as much as you can, for later. You'll find a good use for it. Like bail when you get busted for your child-porn website, sicko.
 
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