Fugly
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2000
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Wednesday
November 1, 2000


By L.T. Jackson
November 2000
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You're incredibly bright, but you like to keep it to yourself. Nobody else knows how smart you are. Maybe if you can remember that a red light means 'stop', you won't be confined to a wheelchair after today. Maybe you're not all that bright after all.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
If you're going to ask for money, do it first thing. You know your pops gets drunk by lunchtime, so ask before he spends all his money on malt liquor and crack. Get a job, you lazy bum.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You're looking great. You got your white shirt, black tie, leather shoes, and a silk jacket on. You'll think you're on top of the world, until you hear the words: "will the defendant please rise" Better luck at your parole hearing.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
You're up against tough competition, but don't complain. You knew the job was dangerous when you took it. I mean lookouts are a dime a dozen. Did you really think you could out-run tha' man?
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
You're lucky, good looking and you have a way with words. Unfortuantely you can't seem to spit them out right now because you're whacked out on PCP. Don't sweat it, bro. Tonight is pork chop sammich' night in county lock up.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You may have thought an older person didn't like you, and you couldn't be more right. Your pops thinks you're a scumbag, and plans to do a Marvin Gaye on your ass tonight. Better wear your vest nigga'.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Don't put off until tomorrow what you could do today, even if your ho's are giving you fits. A good firm bitch slap in the mouth and she will learn to keep her back-talkin' trap shut. Remember, keep yo' pimp hand strong!
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
An attractive person's in your life, but you don't have the loot for romance. 100 bucks is probably too much to pay for a whore anyway. Smack the bitch over the head with an empty bottle of Hurricane and leave before she regains consciousness. Spend that hundred on some good rock, dawg!
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You're doing a good job and getting a lot of attention. But do you really want it? Do you really wanna be the only black man, wearing a blonde wig and panties in a holding cell? Youse a stupid bitch.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
You may feel burdened, but don't complain too much. I mean yeah, the state gives you more money for having more kids, but you have MORE kids! May I suggest you teach them little bastards skills like shoplifting or auto theft? If they really get on your nerves play a fun game like "Hide in the plastic bag for an hour"
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Are you the teacher's pet? Love and education are linked now. That's right, I would have made straight A's too if I was fucking my teacher. If your ass isn't too sore, do it again tomorrow.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
You might feel like staying in bed all day, but you'd miss a big opportunity. That's right! It's the fist of the month! There's a reason why they let you cash your check at the liquor store. Looks like some malt-liquor is in the stars for you, G!
 
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