evilsarahbitch: Hi. Are you the one who lost your dog?
amybee2003: yes Hi. Did you find him?
evilsarahbitch: No. Sorry.
evilsarahbitch: My name is Sarah
evilsarahbitch: I just saw your poster and wanted to say that I was sorry for your loss.
evilsarahbitch: What's your name?
amybee2003: Amy
evilsarahbitch: When did you lose him?
amybee2003: this weeksnd
evilsarahbitch: What happened?
amybee2003: Saturday afternoon
evilsarahbitch: Did he run away?
amybee2003: not sure
amybee2003: we put him out back on his chain and when I went out he was gone
evilsarahbitch: I lost my dog a few weeks ago too but I just got a new one the other day
evilsarahbitch: I'm so happy now because I really missed my dog.
amybee2003: I cant talk long because me and mom are going to go look some more
evilsarahbitch: That's really a shame but at least he is still alive, right?
evilsarahbitch: I wish I could say the same.
amybee2003: did your dog die that's terrible
evilsarahbitch: Yeah, he did.
amybee2003: I'm sorry. how
evilsarahbitch: Internal bleeding is what the cop said.
amybee2003: cop?
evilsarahbitch: Yeah. Cop. Vet, whatever.
evilsarahbitch: I don't really remember. I was pretty drunk
amybee2003: was he hit by a car
evilsarahbitch: no, not at all.
evilsarahbitch: All my dogs die that way.
evilsarahbitch: I don't understand it.
evilsarahbitch: I was just playing with him and he started bleeding from his ears again
amybee2003: again?
evilsarahbitch: yeah. Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok?
amybee2003: ok im sorry
evilsarahbitch: It's a pretty sensitive subject for me and I'd just assume forget about it.
evilsarahbitch: I got rid of all of his toys and his bowl.
amybee2003: that is so sad
evilsarahbitch: yeah.
evilsarahbitch: And as soon as I am finished with this community service bullshit, it will all be over.
amybee2003: what are you taking about?
evilsarahbitch: Nothing. Let's not talk about it.
evilsarahbitch: I can't bear to think of him anymore.
evilsarahbitch: I can only imagine what you must be going through now.
evilsarahbitch: I'm really sorry for your loss.
evilsarahbitch: The only thing that makes it better for me is my new dog
evilsarahbitch: I can't imagine what I would do if I lost Sparkles now.
evilsarahbitch: I've become so attached to him, It's almost like he's my own child.
amybee2003: your dog is named sparkles
amybee2003: sparkles ?
evilsarahbitch: Yeah, I guess so.
amybee2003: you guess so?
amybee2003: my dog was named sparkles too
evilsarahbitch: Oh really?
amybee2003: yeh
evilsarahbitch: I'll be honest with you, I don't really like the name.
evilsarahbitch: But that was what was on his tags when I found him so…
evilsarahbitch: you know.
amybee2003: you found him
evilsarahbitch: Yeah, I know.
evilsarahbitch: That's what I just said isn't it?
amybee2003: no I mean you found him? I was asking
evilsarahbitch: yeah, I was driving through this neighborhood in Fulton and found him
evilsarahbitch: That's where I live.
amybee2003: that's where I live too
amybee2003: you have sparkles?
evilsarahbitch: Yeah, I guess it was.
evilsarahbitch: I hate that fucking name so here is what I've been doing…
amybee2003: wait you found my dog ?
evilsarahbitch: Listen.
evilsarahbitch: Since all he answers to is Sparkles, here's what I've been doing…
evilsarahbitch: I call him from way across the yard, right?
amybee2003: yes. wait what does your dog look like?
amybee2003: is he a beagle with brown and black spots?
evilsarahbitch: Will you fucking listen to me?
amybee2003: yes but answer me
evilsarahbitch: Stop interrupting me.
evilsarahbitch: Ok. So I call him from waaaay across the yard and I hold a Milk Bone in my hand.
evilsarahbitch: And I yell, "Here Sparkles!" "Come here boy!"
evilsarahbitch: And he comes running to me from all the way across the yard.
evilsarahbitch: So the whole time he is running...
evilsarahbitch: I keep yelling, "Here Sparkles!" so he'll know his name
evilsarahbitch: And then, when he gets to me, do you know what I do?
amybee2003: what?
evilsarahbitch: I WHIP the hell out of him with a fan belt from an old car!
evilsarahbitch: Then I yell to him, "MONGO MONGO MONGO!!!!!"
evilsarahbitch: "YOUR NAME IS NOW MONGO!!"
amybee2003: that's not funny
amybee2003: is he a beagle with brown and black spots?
evilsarahbitch: Yeah. How'd you know??
amybee2003: tell me where you found this dog
evilsarahbitch: I told you. I found him in Fulton. Last Saturday.
amybee2003: sarah I lost my dog last saturday and I live in Fulton.
evilsarahbitch: Wow. That's crazy. What are the chances of that happening again?
amybee2003: you have my dog sparkles
evilsarahbitch: No. This dog's name is Mongo.
evilsarahbitch: I think Mongo is a good name.
evilsarahbitch: All my dogs have been named Mongo.
amybee2003: where did you find him??!
evilsarahbitch: Do you think Mongo is a good name?
amybee2003: answer my question sarah!!!
evilsarahbitch: It's certainly a lot better than Sparkles.
evilsarahbitch: What a gay ass name. Who the hell would name a dog Sparkles?
amybee2003: TELL ME WHERE YOU FOUND THIS DOG!!!
evilsarahbitch: ALRIGHT! Jesus. I don't know. He was chained up behind some house but listen…
evilsarahbitch: Chains don't stop dogs. Good training stops dogs
evilsarahbitch: Know what I'm sayin'?
amybee2003: You took him from my yard??
evilsarahbitch: Good training… and a LOT of beatings.
amybee2003: YOU STOLE MY DOG??????????
evilsarahbitch: But you have to use something hard like a fan belt or a piece of a garden hose
amybee2003: LISTEN YOU BETTER RETURN SPARKLES TO M EOR I WILL CALL THE POLICE NOW!
evilsarahbitch: It also helps if you starve them for a few days too.
amybee2003: LISTEN TO ME!
evilsarahbitch: it makes them more receptive to your instructions…
amybee2003: SARAH.
evilsarahbitch: Also, soak them in a 55 gallon drum full of ice water overnight.
amybee2003: YOU ARE NOT FUNNY SARAH NOW ANSWER ME
evilsarahbitch: See, the trick is to break his spirit so that he knows you're the master now.
evilsarahbitch: I have a system called SFBFB
amybee2003: Sarah. please answer me. you have no idea how worried I am about him
evilsarahbitch: See? Starve, Freeze, Beat, Freeze, and Beat again.
evilsarahbitch: Get it?
evilsarahbitch: SFBFB. That's the formula for a good dog.
amybee2003: sarah where do you live
amybee2003: sarah
evilsarahbitch: Fuck. hang on
amybee2003: if you have my dog you have to return him to me
amybee2003: this is serious I don't know if you think this is a joke or what
amybee2003: are you still there
evilsarahbitch: yeah hang on. This fucking dog peed on my couch
amybee2003: listen we are offering a reward and if you found him we will pay you
amybee2003: its not much but we don't have much
amybee2003: hello?
amybee2003: sarah
evilsarahbitch: Uh oh.
amybee2003: whats the matter
evilsarahbitch: I think I beat him too hard.
evilsarahbitch: He's got the blood coming out of his ears just like the others.
amybee2003: sarah I can't take any more of this
amybee2003: please tell me you are lieing about this or I am going to call the police right now
evilsarahbitch: Ok.
amybee2003: YOU ARE LIEING
evilsarahbitch: Yeah. Whatever. Look, I have to go.
amybee2003: ARE YOU LIEING OR NOT
evilsarahbitch: Since I don't know what the fuck 'lieing' means, I can't really tell you.
evilsarahbitch: But if it means having to go out back and dig a hole again then yes.
evilsarahbitch: I hate digging holes.
amybee2003: I WILL KILLLLLL YOU IF YOU HORT MY DOG YO U FICKIN BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
evilsarahbitch: Hey hey. Calm down.
amybee2003: YOU THINK ITS FUNNYTO CALL UP AND MESS WITH ME LIKE THIS
amybee2003: FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!
evilsarahbitch: You live near me. Do you think I can borrow some post hole diggers?
amybee2003: FUCK YOU. I AM CALLING TH EPOLICE
evilsarahbitch: Wait a minute. I think he's still breathing…
evilsarahbitch: Hang on
amybee2003: I AM SERIOUSLY CALLING THE POLICE NOW SARAH.
amybee2003: You better tell me the truth righ now or else
evilsarahbitch: Ahh crap. That must have just been his nerves twitching
amybee2003: IM GONING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO KILL YOU DO YOU UNDERSTAND
evilsarahbitch: Did you know that a dog's hair and fingernails never stop growing, even when they're dead?
amybee2003: DIE
evilsarahbitch: And did you know that because of the gasses that build up in their intestines…
evilsarahbitch: that they fart?
evilsarahbitch: Isn't that weird?
evilsarahbitch: Isn't it?
evilsarahbitch: Amy?
evilsarahbitch: Hello?
evilsarahbitch: So what about those post hole diggers?
amybee2003: <USER NOT FOUND>