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2003
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May
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December
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
February 10, 2003


By: Schmed
February 2003
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
Remember when you said you were definitly not gay, Aquaris? Well just look at yourself now, you fucking dandy.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
The stars couldn't give less of a shit about you this week, Pices, you miserable prick.
Aries
March 20- April 19
You will have a lot of explaining to do this week, Aries, considering that you and your 'roommate' have had your dicks stuck in chinese fingercuff for 3 days now.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
Wes Craven will bring an all new meaning to "terror" for you this week when you wake up and find him furiously masturbating over your face.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
Stab stab STAB!, MAIM! , FUCK!, THRUST! PUNCH HACK!! ...oh shit, was I saying that out loud?
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You will be forced to sell other peoples garbage for a living. But the stars recommend that you refer to it as "retro" overcharge for it. You will do just fine.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
Well, Leo. As far as the stars can tell you're still the same loudmouth asshole you've always been. Way to go. The stars love consistancy.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You will explode onto the porno scene this week. Unfortunatly, being beaten, bound, and having a live grenade shoved up your ass isn't exactly how you hoped it would happen.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
Your house will be invaded by cockroaches this week. So will your mouth, ears and ass. Dont worry though, the stars know what you should do. Err... actually, no they dont. Good luck with that.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

You will go door to door this week in an attempt to spread your new found happiness. In a related story you will visit the hospital to have a "watchtower" magazine removed from your ass, you fucking annoying Jehovah's Witness bastard.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
The stars are pretty sure that your 'momma is so fat that when they yell "kool-aid" she comes bustin thru the wall'.
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
A strange, pudgy man with an odd voice will entice you into a bizarre affair involving exotic spices, oil, and a camel. The stars warned you never to trust Marlon Brando.
 
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